Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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