New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
