new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize