it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
