yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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