Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
