It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
