The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
