I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
