there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
