new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
then he tried to convert me to islam
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
