When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
