Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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