dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
