yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
