If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
