she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
