i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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