i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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