i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize