I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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