I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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