Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Randomize
