So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
