There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
