This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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