you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
