perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
