what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
