I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
