First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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