people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
