i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
