i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
