Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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