does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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