yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
