Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
