dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize