My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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