So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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