He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
