i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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