Define "chronic" masturbator.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
