I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
