atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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