I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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