On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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