Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
