Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
