winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
