For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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