I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
