After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
