Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
