She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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