so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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