My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
