now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
