Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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