saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
