omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
