I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
