Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize