It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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