I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
