i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
