O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize