dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
