I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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